I’m Still Here

(C) Michelle T Mueller

(C) Michelle T Mueller

Every day I think of possible blog topics or I see something interesting and think, I should write a post about that.

And then I don’t . . .

BUT I suppose there’s never a time like the present to pick up where I left off (however many months ago) with my writing here.

The truth is I’ve been in a bit of a life funk. And as life funks are prone to doing, this one has carried over to my writing. In some ways, it may have helped. Lately I’ve started feeling a sense of urgency about my work — about finishing my novel — that wasn’t there before. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older (yeah, yeah I realize 25 is not old—but it’s not 18 anymore either!) or maybe it’s because I had my entire way of life swept out from under my feet in just two months. But I feel like now is the time for me to do something with words.

In the past two months I have traveled back and forth to the States, broken up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years, moved out of my apartment into a temporary one (that doesn’t exactly feel like home), worked on acquiring a job (or two), and finished and defended my master’s thesis. Writing on the internet just wasn’t the outlet I needed, and thus I have been a rather inefficient blogger.

However, the silver lining with all these changes is that I have a lot of freedom now — and the horizon is clear. Basically I can do whatever I want. Travel, move, finally try to stake out a career in editing. WRITE.

Things could be worse.

So, though I don’t like sharing personal life details too much, I figured I’d explain why I’ve seemingly wandered off the blogosphere. (If anyone remotely cares.)

But I am here. Still attempting to make sense of my strange, ever-changing world through words. Still searching for poetry. Still writing.

I am here, and I am moving forward.

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7 thoughts on “I’m Still Here

  1. Having a real life is important. The ups and downs are equal in importance. These experiences will allow you to bring something new to your writing… When you’re ready.

    • Yes, you’re absolutely right. And they have in their own way. Writing is a coping mechanism for most of us, too. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

  2. Sometimes we need to write, and sometimes we need not to write so that we can appreciate writing again – if that makes any sense. I have encountered – no, wait, I have been tackled by – those life funks you speak of. And it can drain everything inside of you, including your desire to write – unfortunately. Often, for me, it’s the writing that has ultimately pulled me out of those funks (or helped, at least) and it has taken incredible strength on those occasions to begin putting words on a page again and feeling good about it.

    I have always felt that there is a delicate balance between writing and living – do too little or too much of either and it adversely affects both. You need to experience those highs and lows to add depth to your writing, however painful or uncomfortable they may be – I know. There is no right time or wrong time. Your inner muse will simply nudge you along as it is doing now until the words are ready 😉

    In any event, I am sure of one thing – I am happy to hear that you are still here because I really enjoy your articles, posts, and insights Michelle 🙂 Keep writing and stay inspired!

    • Thanks for the kind comments. 🙂 That makes perfect sense, of course. I wouldn’t say that I haven’t been writing. I just haven’t been writing blog posts (except when I’m made to do so for TSM). For instance, the other day I finished a poem (that I actually quite like!), and in December, when my boyfriend and I had the ‘this-isn’t-working-anymore’ talk, I sat down and wrote a 1500 word short story that the other Muses — to this day — claim is their favorite story of mine. In the intervening time between when I returned from the U.S. and I moved out, I wrote quite a bit for my novel, too (in February mostly).

      I suppose writing was my response to a troubling situation. You know how it goes: sometimes writers aren’t very good at expressing how they feel, so it comes out in words. The highs and lows of life are an important part of that process. And sometimes we can’t afford to let those lows stop us. My thesis was looming, for instance, so maybe I owe my thesis that much: it kept my mind focused on what mattered (to me). We INTJs are a troublesome lot when it comes to feelings anyway. We’re more likely to just shove them under the rug with logic and reason.

      I appreciate your comments, as always!

  3. I’m glad you’re moving forward into a clearer space with more possibilities, even though that movement can sometimes be difficult and even painful. The fact that *you’re* feeling good about it is even more important. And, speaking for myself at least, those of us who enjoy your talent with words and always happy to hear whatever about yourself you wish to share. I’ve missed your writing and hope to see more of it whenever you feel the desire.

    I have also been caught in a struggle between what I sometimes think of as my life and my writing, but which I realize is a struggle between me and me–or more accurately, fearful me and fearful-but-writing-anyway me. You know what I find helps me in those situatons? Reading some new writing by a poet I haven’t read before… 8~)}

    • Thank you! Isn’t that the unfortunate part of it? A writer’s worst enemy is herself. I’ve always thought of words — or more specifically writing — as a double-edged sword. To write well requires we continually face our highs and lows, even when we’re long past them. At the same time, those difficult and painful moments are the backbone of emotion in our writing. Without them, I think the stories or poetry we create would lack something fundamentally inherent to art: emotion, passion? I don’t know. I’m sort of going off on a tangent here . . .

      Anyway, thanks for taking the time to comment. I have not forgotten the promised poetry. 😉

  4. You are still here.. You are still writing and you are writing better every time you write something. You have been brave living by yourself, moving on and moving ahead. You have also given time to your studies and your blog… You are doing great from my point of view… I hope to god that you get a wonderful job or freelancing career in writing and your life ahead would be much fun and love… 🙂

    Love
    Hema

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